Cassandra Roberson-Kelley Enterprises
Cassie's Comedy Corner III
WARNING: Enter At Your Own Risk! LOL
"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones." ~Proverbs 17:22 (King James Version)
Welcome Back, Folks!
Let us begin...**gasps**
WAIT! \0/<-- (wit' hands all up in da air)
You DID read the WARNING, right?! GOOD job!
I was just checkin'. ;) **wink**
How 'bout we get this "party" started with the tale of "A BlackBerry, A Cup o' Coffee & PMS" starring
"Lady Dr. (P)hebe (M)oore (S)immons"
Based on a TRUE story...
"Lady Phebe": Funeral Services for Phebe's cell phone will be held Saturday, December 25, 2010 @ 7:00 pm at a local coffee shop. The cell phone fought a good fight, coming back to life for one hour after being submerged into a hot cup of coffee Christmas morning. The cell phone will be greatly missed... :(
Sir Donnie Nelson, Jr.: Friend, I understand your pain. I lost my phone to a cup of milk a year ago. [tear] I am here to remind you to look unto the insurance company, which shall send you another phone if you faint not. Be Blessed.
"Lady Phebe": LOLOLOLOLOL...and me being the OCD ("Cassie" NOTE: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) person that I am, you KNOW I got insurance on it...going to the phone store right after church in the morning! Whoo-hoo!!
Me/"Cassie": Oh, why, LAWD? WHYYYYY?! And on CHRISTmas Day, too?! "Celly" ("Cassie" NOTE: It's actually "B. B. Celly" lol) had SO much t' live for! UGH! **sniff-sniff** What "eva" (ever) happened t' growin' OLD gracefully, huh? Shoot! **exits t' grieve in silence...while holdin' onto her OWN BlackBerry fo' dear life.**
With deepest sympathy and heartfelt condolences,
Sir Derron Robinson: Is grave doing the service?
"Lady Viveca Deanes": What convinces you it's not going to work again?
"Lady Jessica Cahill Guire": My deepest sympathies.
"Lady Phebe": LOLOLOLOLOL Lady Cassie...tell me about it...it all started with me putting a bow on myself and sitting under the Christmas tree this morning...you know, to present myself to my hubby as a Christmas gift...lol...he was so overwhelmed with joy for the gift of ME that he made me pancakes. Well, you can't have pancakes without coffee, right?
So, I made a pot of coffee to have a cup with my breakfast. Well since I decided to get dressed after breakfast, I still had my flowing house dress on...I was sitting on the couch...my cup of coffee on the floor...and my phone was sitting on part of my house dress...
In my haste to get up to get the remote and change the channel, I forgot to move my phone...everything was in slow motion from this point forward...I took two steps when I heard my daughter say, "Oh, this is not good, Mom."
I turned around and saw my phone face down (screen end) in my hot cup of coffee...I really don't remember much of what happened after this point. All I know is she's really dead...gone, gone...she lives no more.
Thank you, Jessica...I appreciate you much, Girl.
Pastor (Derron Robinson), it's a private service, and yes it will be graveside...lol
Vicki (Viveca), trust me, she's gone to cell phone heaven...she fought a good fight, but it's over. I had to pull the plug...
"Lady Nichole Calk Freeman": My thoughts and prayers are with you, sweetie... ;-)
"Lady Carolyn Harris": If you need Pastor Harris and I to do a scripture and a prayer, do give us a call! We kin to old Celly! Lol. We send our condolences unto you, but don't weep as if there is no hope.
"Lady Jessica": Why did you not airlift her to icu (Intensive Care Unit)???
"Lady Phebe": Thank you, Nichole...you know how I hate shopping... looks like I'll be shopping tomorrow...maybe I'll get an after Christmas bargain tomorrow.
Well, Jessica, after consulting Dr. YouTube, we put her in a bowl of rice to dry out...and she did come back, but only for an hour...she died peacefully at my mother's home shortly after Christmas dinner.
"Lady Jessica": Was she a part donor...her parts might save the life of another phone one day.
Sir James Udell: Wow. My condolences. LOL The last phone I had got dropped in the toilet *ugh* it was flushed. LOL Well, after foolin' w/it the first time it wouldn't come on. I took more of it apart and hand-dried everything. After it sat out overnight, I put it together and it came on, worked almost like new.
"Lady Phebe": James, I'm gonna let it finish drying overnight, and see what happens...maybe I should put the funeral service off until tomorrow, huh? LOL
I'll hang on to her organs, Jessica...you're right...never know how she may be able to live on in another phone. lol
"Lady Carolyn": To be absent from the battery is to be present with a new contract or sims card!
"Lady Phebe": LOLOLOLOLOL...love it, Carolyn! That's a good one! LOLOLOLOLOL
"Lady Carolyn": Lol
"Lady Sandra Price Bass": Phebe, I will be thinking of you @7:00 2nite.
"Lady Mary Libby Hannah-Williams": Who has the remains?
"Lady Phebe": Mary, the remains will be in the junk drawer at the only home she'd ever known...
"Lady Hannah Mcgowan-Dunn": Let's say it together - come on, everyone..."Dr. Simmons is OFF THE CHAIN!"
"Lady Phebe": LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Hannah!! Well, my phone did pass on this morning.
Sir James: Yeah. We'll expect a praise report in the morning! =0)
**Later that evening**
"Lady Phebe": Born just 17 months ago, BB (Blackberry) was purchased at a local AT&T store. She was brought home, charged up overnight and was vibrant and full of life the very next day.
BB brought many beautiful moments to her owner, Dr. PMS, and was a faithful servant until her demise on Christmas morning 2010. BB was never left alone, staying at her owner's side practically 24/7...to see one was to see the other.
BB was best known for her FB Mobile services...allowing status updates, inbox messages, pics of the clouds and good food as well as the infamous B-CS (Bryant-College Station) Trivia game.
She never missed a wake-up call, calendar event, or reminder. BB was there when no one else was...and she will be missed dearly.
"Lady Gemma Bading": Oh, Phebe. I have you in my prayers. I know how devastating this can be. My world would be upside down. I also know how traumatic it can be to have to go to the phone store. With your inner strength, this also you shall overcome!
"Lady Phebe": Gemme, I plan to send my daughter to handle the entire process! :)
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Little BB is no longer with us. RIP, BB... Amen.
Me/"Cassie" (after I couldn't hold it NO LONGER): OMGlasses! **tears of laughter all up on my lenseses, clouding my vision!** This here TRUE STORY is DOWNRIGHT FUNNY...STRAIGHT-UP! Uh-uh...which is it? DOWN or UP?! Help, LAWD! **smh** I love you, "Lady Phebe"! Be strong, Sis. xoxoxo
"Lady Phebe": I'm hanging in there, Lady Cassie...looking to the hills from whence I can see the AT&T store! LOL
"Lady Erica Seymore-Young": RIP BB...PRAYERS FOR YA MRS. PHEBE.
"Lady Phebe": Thank you, Erica...I have to get another one by 12:00 noon on Monday...that's when I go back to work...and folk will be calling/texting me again...gotta be ready!
"Lady Lynette Phinisee-Freeman": Lol. I needed this. My g1 died last week. I got her sister and have been happy ever since. My prayers are with you at this difficult time.
**The very next day**
"Lady Phebe" (12/26/10): Well, James...ol' BB didn't make it...she's got her wings now...
Sir James: Oh, ok! My condolences 4 real then! But she's with us, 4ever in our hearts. "We'll see you on the other side, BB!" LOL
Sir Broderick E. Rice:
"One of the BEST ways to ROCK a
Man's World is to let him see YOU
Rockin' YOUR World. (What???!!!)"
--Broderick 'The' Empowertainer--(c-2011)
I DID that, Sir Broderick! Twenty-five (25)
plus years later, Mr. Kelley & I are "bof"
(both) still "ROCK, ROCK, ROCKIN'
ALONG," honey! What iz YOU talkin' 'bout?!
Come on outta here, maaan! LOL
A continuing student of the "BroDERickan language,"
"Lady Lisa C. Jenkins":
Awwwww, you betta ROCK IT, Mrs. Kelley!!! I love it!!!
"Lady Christella Young" on da FB:
Picked out to be picked on? That's ok.
God will pick you up!
Safe in His arms.
**Tap, tap, tap!**
FB Audio Tech, I needz fo' YOU t' turn my
sista's mic UP, please...da FB community
needz t' hear this LOUD-n-CLEAR!
K, thx (that is all).
LOL. Love you, Sis. Cassie!
"Lady Wanda Bell":
Somebody said, LIFE does not come with a manual. I disagree.
*THERE IS THE WORD OF GOD.*
His WORD is our instruction.
"Lady La'Trice Wilson":
And our manual, compass, road map, dictionary, and direction.
@ "Lady La'Trice" & "Lady da WANDAful Bell": Hellerrrr. How're yerrrr?
I'm Sis. "Somebody." Halleluyerrrr. LOL To clarify...I am the "Somebody" which "Lady La'Trice" is referring to - not the "Somebody" which the STATUS (above) refers to. Don't get it twisted NO WAY-n-NO HOW!
Ya "heard" me? Well, thanks fo' "listenin'"! ;) **wink**
Cassie - You are a QUEEN.
Yes, ma'am, somebody indeed!!!
You know your "Daddy" is the King of Kings.
(Oh) Boy, you just royalty all up and through here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Lady Vivian Gipson":
Say that again. It's our GPS, MapQuest, our complete navigation system, period, for everything. Please don't make me preach...Lol!
"Lady Robin Gray":
Wisdom has spoken...
"Ver, Ver Live" (F)ace(B)ook
To Sir Rev. Alvin L. Pope...
LOOKA here, Jesus!
We done got ourselves anotha sangin'-preacha up in here, on da FB.
Sir Alvin da Great Maestro o' Texas, U.S. of A.
On behalf o' da "FB International Interdenominational Interfaith Internet Church Without Walls, Ceilings, Doors and Windows" (FBIIIICWWCDW),
we ALL say,
"Howdy, and welcome aboard, par'ner!"
Wit' lots o' smooches-n-all o' dat there kinda "thang,"
"Lady Su-San Cannon Spain":
Lady Cassie, Lady Cassie!!!! That's great..."FBIIIICWWCDW!" lol
@ "Lady Su-San": Can you just imagine...NOT! Help, LAWD! **smh**
Girl, you have me CRACKING up over here!!! ***smh***
It takes all people to make this wonderful world,
and you be one of them. :)
I see your mom's wit coming out.
Thanks for the welcome.
Yeah...see? It's MOM's fault! LOL
But you're welcome, Sir! God bless! :)
"Lady Linda L. Ransom":
A happy life is not about GREED...
it is about GROWTH.
Never get intoxicated with
success/riches, and never become
paralyzed behind failure.
Learn the lesson and keep
The Canoe Theory...everybody in your canoe ain't rowing. Some are on board just to drill holes in your boat, complain about where you are going and watch you fail upclose. If you are in my canoe (circle of friends) and get tired...I have no problem rowing for you when you get tired, because at some point you should be renewed enough to start rowing again. But if you can't help me row...GET OUT OF MY CANOE.
ROW-n-GROW, people! ROW-n-GROW!
Now, gimme dem paddles...shoot!
"ROW, ROW, ROW yo' boat gently down da stream..." lol
GOD knows I loves me some LOVELY-n-LIVELY
LADY LINDA L. RANSOM!
"I ain't lyin'!"
**In my BEST "Madea" voice**
GET 'EM, Sis! Hehehehe! :)
lmbo @ Lady Cassie...
"Lady Dr. Phebe Moore Simmons":
So, Valentine's Day is coming up... how important is it to you that you get a gift from your sweetheart? Would you be upset if he/she didn't get you anything?
Answers: #1: It is NOT important to me to get a gift or material things just because of "Valentine's Day," 'cause "Love Day" is "errrryday"! Okay? The Late "Mr. Valentine" ain't got NOTHIN' on THIS here that "Mr. Kelley" & I have before, during, and after February 14th...shoot! #2: I WOULDN'T be upset NEITHA, 'cause in MY opinion, the "gift-giver" is MORE valuable than the gift itself. WHAT?! Y'all don't hear me, tho, but it's cool, tho. LOL And on THAT note, I'm OUT. Smooches! ;) **wink**
Preach, Lady Cassie!!! I know you're right!!! LOL
**Comin' back IN...after bein' OUT**
SHO' I'm right, Sis!
I haven't been up in here (married ova 25+ years) fo' NOTHIN', honey!
Whatchoo talkin' 'bout? LOL